The Barefoot Contessa

The Internet Movie Database       Movie Reviews

A poor yet beautiful Spanish dancer becomes a movie star, then the wife of an Italian count before her tragic death.

No, it’s not a spoiler, the movie opens on her funeral and is (woodenly and excruciatingly slowly, with much ponderous dialogue that had us in hoots) told in flashbacks by three of the men in her life: a writer who becomes her lifelong friend, the agent of the producer who signs her to a contract, and the count who marries her)

God, this was bad. The only reason we watched it at all was because we were having our New Year’s Day Videofest (this year’s theme: Humphrey Bogart) and it was one of the nine movies we had selected to draw from at random.

Wooden acting (except for Serious Honey Humphrey Bogart, although you got the feeling that he really just didn’t want to be there at all…) Bad writing. Hideously long declaratave speeches. Really awful 50s costumes (okay, a couple of her dresses were cool in a retro way, but really…). Ava Gardner, who was almost painful to watch, even though beautiful.

Oh my god, was this bad…not, I grant you, as bad as AI or Attack of the Clones, but pretty darn bad. Thank goodness it came early in the day of movies and we had time to get over it…don’t make the same mistake we did. Skip it. You’ll be glad you did.

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