Very loosely connected with the Zorro stories by Johnston McCulley
Zorro is trying to A) steer CA toward statehood, B) keep his promise to his wife that he’ll stop swashing his buckle, C) stop his son from following in his footsteps, D) keep his wife from two-timing him with the French count, and E) foil the bad guys. All the while trying to stay sexy and full of witty repartee.
Oh my god. This was so bad. I loved The Mask of Zorro, both when it came out and after repeated viewing…silly but fun, great swashing of buckles, a completely decent plot, and Banderas was still cute and charming.
I fear that his cute and charming days are behind him, and I have the feeling that they’re touching up Catherine Zeta-Jones’ closeups as well…both of them just came off as strident and annoying in this one, instead of a married couple in love going through a hard patch. And they’re also getting kinda long in the tooth, as we say chez Otter…
The story was just downright stupid, and the physics police would have had them all blown up the first time they started fighting in a nitroglycerine factory…you not only have to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL during the manufacture of that stuff, but the mixture has to be kept below 60 degrees while mixing (slowly and carefully) or you get a whole lot of poisonous gas. Plus, of course, while the glycerin that is used to create nitro is the same as is in glycerin soap, I doubt you can then REMOVE it from the soap to THEN make explosives…I mean, seriously.
The plot twists were just laughable, and none of the characters were amusing enough to make me want to go along for the ride. Banderas and Zeta Jones were annoying, and their priest friend, although the most interesting character, had far too little screen time.
Now, I have to admit, I was in a motel room in Arizona when I saw this, sick as a dog and grateful not to be camping…but I don’t think being healthy would have made me like it any better, it was just really bad.
Watch the first one again if you need a Zorro fix, but give this one a miss.