Captain America: Civil War

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Basically, this is about the morality of being a superhero…should they be free to take care of what needs doing, or is that vigilanteism? And what if they make a mistake? And who has the authority to say do this or don’t do that? And what do they do if they don’t agree with their orders?

In other words, Marvel has taken on one of the central problems with the whole superhero thing, and done an absolutely brilliant job of it. There may be some SPOILERS in the following; I’ll try not to be too specific in my rapturous prose, but DAMN this was good.

Things I liked about this movie:

• Bad Boy Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr) coming down on the side of being supervised, with good reasons for doing so, and then legitimately losing his shit when it was reasonable to do that. Very well written, great character development.
• The major disagreement being between Captain America and Iron Man, who started out snarling and circling like wild dogs and became friends, only to (now) come down on opposite sides of the central issue that affects them both.
• In fact, with basically ten superheroes in this movie, six or seven had great character development. Ant-man and Spider-man were just fun walk-ons, and the same for Hawkeye, although it was great to see him back in the thick of things. Very Whedon-esque (In fact, I just had to check back and make sure Whedon was not one of the writers…much of this felt like him. No, he wasn’t, but it’s worthy of him.)
• I liked that the characters who weren’t there either had reasons for not being there, or at least their absence was acknowledged…it makes for better continuity within the Marvelverse of these movies and shows.
• And speaking of which, there were several mentions of things that tied this to the previous movies and some of the TV shows like Agents of SHIELD…but that weren’t necessary to have seen. Good writing.
• And thank you for not going into everyone’s origin story yet again. That is one thing I hate about all the Batman movies, they feel the need to reinvent the wheel over and over and over…but don’t get me started on that latest DC godawfulness…
• I liked that (except for the first scene, which had plot reasons for it) they managed to keep the fighting to places where there were fewer people, and the filmmakers made it look like they were doing that on purpose…in other words, they actually learned from The Incident (destroying NY in the first Avengers movie).
• There was also a lot of talking, and conversation, and character development. Again, kudos for that. Do you catch a theme here, Devoted Fans? I love that the Marvel universe is mostly populated with people who have extraordinary abilities, not just fighting suits who spout lines.

I could go on for an hour, but suffice it to say that this might be the best thing Marvel has done since the first Avengers movie made us all stand up and cheer. You go, Marvel! Keep it up, we love it!

And I’m off to see this movie again…anyone coming along? You’ll love it, I promise!!

Zootopia

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A girl from a small town has a dream of going to the big city and becoming a police officer. And of course, because it’s Disney, you know everything will turn out fine.

I LOVED the preview of this movie, the scene in the DMV with the sloths. Not because I think DMV, or even government workers are necessarily sloths (having been on a city payroll myself for many years) but because THAT IS MY LIFE. My life happens at about 1 1/2 times the rate everyone else in the world is going, and every single day is like that scene. Yes, all those incredibly slow people are nice, worth knowing, and do their jobs well…but OH MY GOD COULD YOU PLEASE JUST DO IT ALL A LITTLE FASTER BEFORE MY BRAIN IMPLODES WITH WAITING FOR YOU ALL?

Sorry. Anyway, I laughed very hard at those previews, and didn’t think any more about it. I don’t go see most Disney movies, and definitely not in the $$$ theater $$$, since they are pretty predictable, so I thought, if a lot of people tell me it’s good, I’ll rent it.

But then I found myself in Yuma Arizona.

Now, Yuma may actually be a nice place to live. I was only there for about 21 hours, which turned out to be about 18 hours too long. I was on my way home from a wonderful vacation camping across southern Arizona. My camping buddies had flown home from Tucson on Sunday, and I drove home doing some more camping and touristy stuff; Yuma was my last stop before Southern California and then home. And I had some fun stuff to do there:

1. Go to Del Taco for lunch (my obsession, especially now that the only one within 20 miles of my house has gone)
2. Visit the Territorial Prison, which sounded interesting
3. Go to the Camel Farm, where there are camels and exotic animals to pet and visit.
4. Get a motel for the night (luxury! after camping for several days.)

So I arrived in Yuma. I visited the prison, which was not nearly as interesting as it sounded. I found the Camel Farm, which was a really depressing looking place; I didn’t even get out of the car, just drove the ten miles back into town. I tried for over an hour to find the Hummingbird Garden which is supposed to be in the long park on the Colorado River, with no luck. And I was done. I was hot and tired and frustrated, I hadn’t found a single thing to do, and I was just done. I went back to my motel, got out my ipad, and checked for movies.

And found this one, in a theater that I had passed so I knew where it was. It was only seven bucks, and they had ice cream. This was the best part of the day; I was alone in the theater, the ice cream was delicious and the movie was fun.

I liked it. Typical Disney fare, no surprises, but it was funny and charming, and amused me for the afternoon.

And the next morning, I got out of Yuma and had a wonderful day. And I never have to go back.

Now that’s a good movie.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

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Two spies during the cold war, one British and one Soviet, are forced to work together. Hijinks ensue.

This otter is old enough to remember the original TV series this is based on, with Robert Vaughn and David McCallum…I didn’t watch it, but my mom did; I would hear the theme music as I was getting ready for bed the night it was on every week.

I had not gone to see this in the theater, since most reboots of 60s stuff are not that great, but I was at the Red Cross to do apheresis, and needed something amusing for a couple of hours, and thought, what the heck?

And it was amusing. I liked Cavill in this better than I do as Superman; he’s not as stiff and ponderous here. I always like Armie Hammer, and he was good as the Russian spy. And (bonus) Hugh Grant was their handler!

This was fluff, light and fun and self-consciously retro. They got most of the period detail as right as they needed to (although the plot revolved around a ‘computer disk’ that was about 3 inches square. Nothing like that existed or could have existed…anything with info on it would have been a big ol’ reel of tape…) But quibbles aside, it was fun and not too annoying.

Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

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Um…Batman and Superman have problems getting along and try to resolve them the old-fashioned way, by whining and punching each other until a smart female shows up and they realize how stupid they’ve been…right?

I guess you could say that there are SPOILERS here, but really? don’t worry, if you read this whole review I’m hoping you won’t go see this movie, or care if I tell you how bad it really is…

This was yet another attempt by DC to jump on the amazing freight train that is Marvel Comics’ multiplatform superhero series, and yet another chance for viewers to watch DC being thrown under the wheels and crushed into the ground.

Seriously, I was excited about this movie. I’m not crazy about Henry Cavill as Superman; he’s pretty, but he doesn’t have much personality…and it seems to me that more than most superheroes, Supes NEEDS to be relatable for viewers, him being a godlike alien and all. But Ben Affleck as Batman? Hellz yeah. I really do like him, have since Dogma (an Otter Family Favorite Movie) and was sorry to see his acting career come to a careening halt after Gigli. So I thought this might really do it for him, bring him back into the whole movie/acting thing.

And although I’m not a fan of Superman, I really like Batman and a lot of the Batman stories, especially the ones that take place in Gotham that Bats is only peripherally involved in. I also liked the look of the previews, and the seemingly intelligent handling of the moral problem of how one calls a superpowerful being to account.

But you know why I’m saying all this, right? to build up to how EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED I was in this movie. It wasn’t intelligent. It wasn’t insightful. Heck, I would have been happy with ‘well written’, ‘witty’ and ‘full of good character development’. It was none of those things.

What it was was dark. Disjointed. Whiny. Sometimes nonsensical. And kind of dull.

Except for the ten minutes when Wonder Woman shows up (although she’s been there all along, incognito). She is literally the only good thing about this whole movie, and that’s sad. Because she was awesome, and because the rest of this huge overblown overproduced overhyped steaming pile of ick is so much worse in comparison.

I saw it with my friend Spider Jerusalem, who had sent me this Scott Kurtz comic:

 

And luckily we were the only people in the theater, because every time there was an angsty flashback or ANOTHER wierd dream sequence where Batman was yet again having problems with his orphanhood, we both said this loudly and with feeling. And laughed. None of which we should have been inclined to do, but there was FAR too much whining in this movie.

And speaking of things there was far too much of, I have yet again broken my vow never to pay to see Kevin Costner in ANYTHING again. He DIED in the Superman movie, dammit! I should be safe from him! But no, Superman had to have an angsty dead parent flashback too, just to show that he was as screwed up as Batman. Seriously, the movie was like this.

And there were far too many people (title characters included) doing incomprehensible things for ridiculous reasons. More than once I turned to SJ and said, What the HELL is he doing that for? and it was never explained. Just, you know, reasons.

There were so many great reviews on the interwebs about why this was an absolutely terrible movie that I don’t have to hit it point by point…here’s a good one from cracked.com, there are lots of others. Just, seriously, don’t do it. Even if you think you might like it, there are so many better ways to spend two and a half hours. Go do something you like and leave me to try to heal on my own. But (I promise) without flashbacks or dream sequences. Thank you.